The ART OF HAPPINESS PART 2

More and more this life seems like a game I am playing. I have this new found realization that everything is the way it is and que sera sera. Why do we label people, things, relationships, love? Who cares if someone hurts you? Who cares if you have a good job or a bad one? We are just obsessed with satisfying our ego that we do not feel the need to think about ourselves as one small piece in a giant puzzle. My Aunt, Nina, recently gave a TED talk on educating the children in India and bettering our governmental school system. Her passion was evident in her voice and the pictures she showed were powerful. Her role is to spread the word of social work in helping children become educated, and I know my role is to help children reach their full potential in terms of staying health and wellbeing. Health is a prerequisite to success and if one is not healthy nothing can be accomplished…. My desire and passion to serve was instilled in me at a young age. Instead of finding everything wrong with India, right now I just want to focus on what is right. Indian people are the most hospitable and India has some of the most beautiful views on Earth: Himalayas, Coorg, Rishikesh, Taj Mahal.

The truth is we have to change the way we see the world and change the lens we are wearing….Everyone is happy all around me, I am the one seeing the divide more than others. So it is my lens that needs to change. I am humbled by this experience. My challenge is to change the way we look at life and at others by not passing judgment. Sure there are so many things wrong and need to be fixed, but sometimes those things are out of my control. If I can’t change what is around me, I can change my reaction to it, right? JUST BE. Happiness is not what we have, or what we don’t have, not out friendships or the people who come and go, it is who we are and how we choose to live this short amount of time we are here on Earth. Newton’s Law states that Energy is neither created nor destroyed just transferred. So maybe this life is already written in the scriptures for us or maybe we can control over our actions. I still can’t answer that, but I know we have control over our attitude and our spirit since that is our energy f!eld. My friend kindly reminded me that our spirit does matter, and I have to agree with him! I truly feel that everything is as it should be in this world. Without greed we can’t appreciate poverty. Without sadness we can not appreciate happiness. We have to have the polar opposites for contrast and for comparison. And it is I who thinks poverty is bad, but maybe they are the richest of all of us. Not in wealth, but in relationships, quality of life, and fun. I was recently talking to a friend of mine who is trying to plan her wedding. She seems upset since she can’t get a venue with what she wants despite her budget of 100k. Then when I was on my way to the PHC (Primary Health Center) we passed a rural village where there was a wedding going on. People were dancing in the streets as music was being streamed via a loud speaker and the roar of laughter was contagious. People were sitting on the floor in a giant open space and having dinner on giant banana leaves. It highly contrasted to the engagement party I went to during my first week at the best venue in town with a singer who flew in from Bombay. People appeared more stiff and I couldn’t get myself to let loose. There was so much food available that no one even touched since the variety of pasta, mexican, chinese, and Indian cuisine was more overwhelming then tasty. In this case, I wanted to jump out of the car and just dance! I insisted on listening to Bollywood jams and we danced in our seats and laughed all the way home. Then during my last dinner with the children we cranked the music up and danced the night away. There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them ☺

One Year Anniversary of Baba's Mahasamadhi

Our dear Swami left his mortal frame

And we feel that life may not continue the same

However Swami has built a temple in our hearts

And it is up to us to keep him alive and do our part

Prashanthi Nilayam was his humble abode

Now he treads among the heavenly roads

Summers in Whitefield was often his plan

And we would go running with pillows in hand

Sathnarayana Raju was his name

Born to Easwaramba and Ramakrishna is how he came

We will celebrate Nov 23 as the day of his birth

But everyday should be special on this Earth

He preached “help ever hurt never” and “love all serve all”

Now we must practice his teachings and embrace his call

He showed us the path to truth, love, righteousness and peace

Prema, Sathya, Dharma, Ahimsa, Om Shanthi Shanthi, Shanthi, Hee

“Love is my form truth is my breath” are the words he so eloquently said

My life is my message is how he led

His Darshan and bhajans we will miss

But service to mankind is what will truly give us bliss 

The Nine code of conduct we must continue to follow

And putting a ceiling on desires since we know it will not fill a space that’s hollow

So continue on your spiritual trek believing “Hands that Help are Holier than Lips that Pray”

And know Swami is watching every move each and every day

Vibuthi he made and it was a miracle to see

Watches, diamonds, bracelets would come from the hand of Thee

Material objects are not what we need to remember our Sai’s sight

Just meditating on his presence should bring his presence to light

He will continue to shower us with his blessings in this life

We must keep our eyes wide and our hearts open, embracing the strife

Good or bad we must have equanimity of mind

But most importantly of all we must be kind

From the water project, to his free hospitals, and feeding the poor

Our Bhagavan came from near and far to cure

His students will miss him dearly

But our journey to spirituality must continue to progress yearly

He comes in our dreams and resides in our homes

We must find him within us as he is now free to roam

He said he is God because he has realized it, and he is waiting for us to do the same

Fellow devotees, we know how Baba works his game

Swami fulfilled his mission and now has a role for all of us to play

So spread love and compassion starting today

Arise, awake and find out the reason for your birth

As now it’s time to realize your purpose on Earth

Integrative Medicine Lecture

Well Liked. Well received. Spreading the word of Wholistic Medicine One city at a time! :)

Reincarnation: Fact or Fiction?

So the divide between the rich and poor is quickly evident in India. Especially since during the day I spend time with my middle class, down-to Earth, coworkers in medicine and in the evenings I am often hanging out with the children of rich Industrialists. Yesterday, I thanked my friend’s driver for waiting for us for 2 hours. My friend then told me that I shouldn’t do that. That is his job. He said when your in India, you soon see that life can be unfair, but it is what it is… So I have to contemplate if the Hindu belief in reincarnation is fact or fiction? Has it made people too complacent in life here? Riti Aunty, my host Mom, became upset when I told her that reincarnation doesn’t make sense to me. She said, “How do you explain everything around us then, and separate the haves from the have-nots?” She says the cycle of birth and death acquired from karma and dharma make the most sense. But if people in India believe in reincarnation than it makes sense why no one has done more for the poor, since I guess it is believed that they deserve what comes their way. I mean, maybe they are paying for having killed someone in their last birth? But how can you suffer, from an act you did not remember you committed? It all seems pretty strange to me. I am starting to wonder if the stories I have heard as a child about Rama and Krishna, are all true? Wasn’t religion just created as a crutch to make us all feel better? If we look to God for help, instead of the inner divinity within us, then it takes away the responsibility we have to live life with a moral compass right? But what I have noticed is that maybe the differences are only visible to me? Everyone seems really content where they are in life here. The poor don’t want the life of the rich nor the rich the life of the poor. The poor have the frame of mind of living each day in the present, and not worrying about the past or future. Although they might not know where their next meal is coming from, they truly embrace living in the now, and take life as it comes. The wealthy seem to want more, and are more focused on living in the future and procuring more materialistic goods. I guess with every life there are pros and cons. But if everyone in India is happy, then maybe my American way of thinking is the real problem…. For instance, I went to a children’s home on the first level of my office where 8 children live along with an elder care taker. We watched Agneepath and ate Chinese food, talked the night away, and we all couldn’t be happier! Maybe more, isn’t always better, maybe the last laugh is on those who have too much and take it for granted (my well to do friend couldn’t remember the last time he had a decent conversation with his parents or when they all sat around the dinner table and ate....)

When in Inja, do like the like Injans…

I have found myself getting lazier. I cancelled my Hindi classes because I couldn’t make time to study. My teacher said I have been bitten by the Indian bug. I guess it is no coincidence that I am writing this blog at work and not focusing on my research paper? (Uh, oh……) Life here revolves around food and fun (aka khanna and masti- I want to make my hindi teacher proud) I went to a Pediatric conference today, and we had been periodically served snacks throughout the 4 hour talk so lunch to me was highly unnecessary. Yet, no one seemed to pay attention to the last speaker since lunch was about to be served! People got up and ran to stand in line, while the speaker was still talking. Talk about rude! Where is the food going, haven’t we all had enough? There are 200 doctors in the crowd, have we all really been deprived of anything?? Not only that, but when in line, elder Uncles were cutting in front of me, pushing me out of the way for dhal and rice. I guess we will always believe in India that with over 1 billion people, natural selection will eventually choose only those fit for survival here and Darwin’s theory of the fittest shall prevail is evident. I guess that translates to food as we must eat ALL THE TIME in case we are forced to skip a meal at some point, God forbid the concept of fasting! Maybe I will go against the holy grail of this country and go on a juice fast….could help my girlish figure after eating all this Punjabi food! ☺

I have more inhibitions then I realized….

So a friend recently asked, why can't you just let loose and have some fun? JUST CHILL. So it got me thinking…. Am I boring?? Lots of peer pressure here in India! I guess I realized I am more inhibited than I thought. Is it that I am more conservative? Am I a control freak? Am I overly rigid? Maybe all of the above. I am trying to let loose some more. No judgment. Nothing is good or bad, right? If you live life and you enjoy then who cares. I had this weird sensation overcome me yesterday while I was sitting in the Pediatric conference. Who created our complicated biological system? What do humans look/act like in other planets (since its too egoistical to think we are the only ones alive)? Why are we on this planet? What was the purpose of being born? Which other species are alive in this universe? Isn’t it a bit narcissistic to think that we are the only ones that exist in this vast galaxy filled with 8 (some say 9) other planets?? Everyone here seems to smoke joints, drink until they are numb, and party like a rockstar. Is it because they are not enjoying life that they need another source to help them or is it because it is so much fun to feel out of touch with reality that they keep going back for more? Or is it just boredom and too much money?? These people have high expectations of Americans (since most of what they know is from tv: aka house wives on bravo, MTV, 90210, you get the picture?) So ofcourse I can’t live up to that standard! Maybe I am boring, but I am okay with that. Atleast I have strong values, an ethical code of conduct I live by, and a strong moral compass to back me up. I think it wouldn’t hurt if India started opening a few more finishing schools….ha! Thank God I have kept my American mentality with me. A friend of mine said, "your genes are Indian, but thank goodness your upbringing is not"!

One of the great loves of my life

Sonu Karan
March 20th 2000-April 13th 2012

On the 20th of March a great soul was born
His name was Sonu Karan, and was true golden retriever to form
Doss brought him home to Boston as a gift
Lakshmi just finished her PhD at Tufts and could finally relax for a bit

He lived for a while in the chill of Minnesota
And he grew up playing in the snow, near places in North/South Dakota!
He loved the cool breeze and frolicked in the cold weather
He would brave the snow flakes as his coat was as thick as leather

He then moved to sunny California where snow was pretty obsolete
Unless he went to lake Tahoe on mini trips that felt like a harmonious retreat!
Road trips he would go and with children he would play
You could pull his tail, or whiskers and not a growl or peep would he say

In 2007 he met the Mahadevan family who showered him with love and care
He spent the day there and went back home at night, so now day-care became rare!
Our time in California was initially lonely with few friends
The Karans brought friendship and fun when they gave us Sonu “on lend”

He put on a few pounds over the years at our home
He sat by the fire and would often go to the backyard to roam
He cheered up our days and kept us company all night
He made everything seem so much better as he was a cheerful delight

He gave so much joy to everyone he met
At the park so many people said they have never met a dog that didn’t act like a pet!
He would prance in the grass and roll in the sun
And smile ear to ear, it seemed he was always having fun

On Sunday he would go to Madras Café and sit outside and wait
His parents always bought him idlis, rain or shine, early or late
He loved to roam on Castro and to Posh Bagel he would race
He could eat so many plain bagels as it was his favorite place

He loved to go the park near the library for a stroll
He didn’t even need to be on leash, which allowed him to frolic and roll
His well behaved nature and his training was evident during his walks
When we would go to the park he would never stray away even if we stopped to talk

He enjoyed chewing his squeaky toys especially his footballs and stuffed bears
He mostly loved to play with his tennis ball and would run after it, even under a chair!
Snowball, Monkey, Pony were all his nick names
His big personality was truly his claim to fame

He had so many funny moments like when he would go crazy or flop on his side
He even loved sitting in his bed or going on long car rides
Tahoe and Carmel were two of his favorite spots
He embraced life and taught us about life, love, and loss

He taught me to live in the moment and to not get too worked up and stressed out
He would lay by my side when I studied and tickle my feet with his cold snout
He loved to clap to Govinda and have good mum mum after all his meals
We truly miss him and it will take time for our hearts to heal

He had the most caring nature, not a fly would he harm
He will forever be remembered for all his antics and charm
He is in heaven now being looked after by Toffee
And he also has a new playmate up there in Buddy

We want to thank him for everything he gave us in his life
His twelve years with us got us through both joy and strife
We will continue to think of him forever and our hearts will pine
Although he has left his earthly body his spirit will always shine

Circle of Life.

From giving a lecture on asthma to medical students, to observing two c-sections, to grieving through Jypthi's death, it has been quite a week!!

I never thought of myself as the teaching type, but as it turns out I really enjoyed it. Who knows, maybe I will even consider Academic Medicine one day?! I tried to make the lecture interactive and at the end I had them to case studies to make sure they understood the material. I got feedback from my teacher that they really enjoyed the class, so I am glad that the students actually learned something!

Tuesday was a difficult day. Jyothi had been fighting for her life for the past week and there was a glimpse of hope after the neurosurgery that she would make it. But unfortunately, her frail body could not handle it and she past away from respiratory failure. It was hard seeing the look in her parents' eyes when they realized our recusitation efforts proved futile. It is also hard to swallow that Jyothi could have been saved if her parents had the income to send her to a private hospital or if she had her care in the United States.

When children die before their parents, it seems like an unnatural process to me. No parent should have to feel that pain. When a parent loses their child simply because of money, it is even harder to process. I wish health was a human right here in India. Seeing all the divisions based on caste, income, just seems unnecessary..... Atleast in the states we try our absolute best to save a kid before we think of payment. Here is it payment before treatment which often feels inhumane.

Live well, lose well. That is what we learned in Arizona. The process of life and death is something I have been thinking about more lately. The only thing we know for certain when we are born is that we are going to die one day, and we can only pray that it is a painless and spiritual process. I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid to die before my time. I guess that's normal and should force me to live every day in the present as it if was a real gift from God.

After Jypthi's death I was able to attend two c-sestions and see the birth of two new souls enter the world! What an occasion it is to have a baby see your face as his/her first introduction into this universe. Their tiny, eyes, nose, fingers, and toes are all so precious. They are so innocent and untainted from this world we live in. It is hard to fathom that one day their minds will become full of judgement and they will soon come to find out if they are rich or poor, hindu or muslim, black or white. In the beginning none of this characterization seems to matter, so why does it make a difference as we age?

I definitely don't have the answers to these questions. India makes me believe more in karma, dharma, and reincarnation even though it has never made much sense to me. But it is hard to justify why someone has to have their child taken away because of the price of healthcare and not because of the severity of the disease. God can't be that cruel, but I just wish the pieces of this puzzle could make sense to me...

But then again, why some kids make it and others don't is still a mystery. Lucky (boy in pic) has typhoid fever and to be honest you would never know that he is sick. He is so active, and playful! Bhukmika (girl in pic) is malnourished and has hypothyroidism from iodine deficiency but is getting better each and every day. God does leave more kids behind then he takes back with him, and for that I am thankful.

A little bit of sunshine

Our patient Jyothi with TB meningitis has been getting worse and worse. She developed hydrocephalus over the past two days and was decompensating quickly. Her family could not afford to transfer her to a private hospital, so her days seemed numbered and the waiting game began.....

Then a stroke of luck! Dr. Patel rallied her forces and got one of the top surgeons to perform a shunt saving surgery for free. We managed to get the funds we needed from friends, residents, and interns, and we quickly transferred Jyothi in an ambulance (see pic) to the superspecialty hospital and they performed the procedure in minutes. I don't know if Jyothi will survive, but I do know we gave her a fighting chance today! Which was much more then yesterday, and who knows what tomorrow may bring. :)

At the end of my shift, two children were brought into the unit today because they were abandoned by their family at the railway station. They were brothers, and one seemed no more than 18 months and the other 2 yrs. They refused to eat and cried incessantly. After doing an assessment on them, it seemed like they were pretty healthy with just minor upper respiratory tract infections. We called Child line and they were on their way to pick them up. They will now be under the care of the government in an orphanage.

When they were taken a way, I couldn't help but feel like they might be getting another shot at life. Who knows what would have happened to them if they were never found? My Aunt in Bangalore is a social worker, and today I realized just how important her job can be.

Feeling Less Indian In India.....Until.....

So my Mentor's Son took me to an Anniversary Party this weekend. It was very interesting! Everyone was only in American dresses and I apparently did not get the memo that the "Whose Who" of Nagpur was going to be there. I felt super undressed and to be honest a little uncomfortable. I just didn't feel like I fit into this glitzy glam lifestyle people were leading. One girl whispered in my ear, "Don't worry I felt out of place when I first came here, but now I just try to keep up with the fashion. Oh, just know that no one repeats a dress here more than once." Wait, I am sorry is she freakin serious? On top of that, I was asked countless times why on Earth I would work at a government hospital? People were pretty pretentious and made comments like, "Well the poor deserve what they get" and "Some care is better than nothing." What happened to thinking of health as a human right and helping your fellow man? I guess that India no longer exists, and maybe it never did. As the rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer. To me, poverty appears to be ubiquitous in society, but to everyone else, I think it has become obsolete.

India is full of corruption and scandal. I went to a conference on, "Have People Lost Faith in Government Hospitals?" The answer was a unanimous yes! Apparently 50 years ago, the politicians and government officials used to go to government hospitals for treatment. Now they won't even step in them... So we tried to discuss what happened? As the private sector came into play, everyone realized there was more money there, so most people did not want to work for the government. Also corruption became worse, and the resources and infrastructure of the hospitals started to crumble. This mainly happened because there is no single governing body that oversees the governmental health system. And it is hard to call up the Prime Minister and tell him what is going wrong with the machine down the hall. They truly lack a solid health administration committee and until they decide it is worth the investment, I am afraid it will never get better.

It is not about raising doctor salaries or improving the education sector (although to be honest working on these areas wouldn't hurt). It is about giving doctors access to supplies and resources to do our job! We are only as good as our hospital. We can make a diagnosis but if we can't carry out our treatment plan, then we have really not done much after all. It is quite sad. I was a little disenchanted by the whole talk, but atleast people are aware of what is happening. One audience member grabbed the mike and just started yelling at all the speakers for thinking big ideas but not implementing anything. To him I say, Hooray for having the guts to stand up to gov't officials!!

After the conference i went to a Pediatric Genetic Conference. It was amazing to see how hard these doctors work to help the lives of so many children. With every door that seems to shut, more doctors help open them one by one. They are dedicated people who put patients first.

So on my way home from a very long Sunday, I come back and all the gates are locked. I waited 30 minutes in the scorching heat and then had to jump the gate (with the help of my autodriver, ofcourse) and wait on the lawn chairs outside. After being outside a total of 1.5 hours in the heat I was soaking wet in sweat and super irritable.

Rajan, the house helper, had gone to the market and when he realized what happened waiting he felt so bad. His friends had seen me outside the house and ridden their bicycles to go track him down in the market. He brought me cold water, and coconut water (my favorite) and was so apologetic. Then when Aunty came home she was soooo sad and felt sooo bad. She wouldn't stop saying sorry.

Despite my exhaustaiton I had promised a family friend that I would stop by her house. Although I wasn't in the best mood, as soon as I got there everyone showered me with kindness and sooo much food! We then came back to see Rajan and his friends hanging out outside. Aunty felt so bad that it was so hot, we came into the house and made everyone ice cream sundays! It was so much fun. They were preparing for a friends wedding. We then went outside and went through all the saris the bride was going to wear and it was such a blast.

This is the India I know and love. It feels just like home! Then I realized what the best part of India is: the kindness and hosiptality among friends and family. It is hard to juxtapose the corrupt governmental India from the big hearts of the people here. But the dichotomy, nonetheless, exists and like everything else in life, you just have to take the good with the bad. This place is far from perfect, but it has some of the warmest people I have met.

I am in a ZOO

India is a zoo. The traffic is is a zoo. The hospital is a zoo. I literally see a zoo on my way to work everyday, today I saw: chickens, goats, pigs, cow, dogs, and turtles all just hanging out on the road and making the cars go around them!

I got to the hospital this morning only to find out that there were swarms of people wailing outside the unit. The baby I had been working with this past week with Neuroblastoma had past away from respiratory distress at 6am this morning. Then I see two of my patients sharing the same bed and when I inquired into the situation I found that we only had two oxygen tanks (one of then was being used for a severe patient down the unit) so they were sharing the last tank between them. On top of that, I couldn't take any blood pressures because we don't even have a proper blood pressure cuff on the ward! Of all basic amenities, this is by far the worst.......

Then one lady told us she was pulling her child out of the hospital because she and her husband could no longer afford to pay the medical bills (government hospitals exist in vain). The only thing the government supplies is the bed (families have to pay for the medication, the IV, the tubing, the injections, the Normal Saline, etc). Every government official should be forced to work for a day in these conditions and then allocate their resources properly. The corrupt nature of this institution definitely got the best of me today! We decided to send the husband back out to work and have the Mom just stay with the child at the hospital so atleast some income would be coming in.

Later in the day, one of our patients Jyothi was completely decompensating due to her TB meningitis condition. She needed to be on a ventilator (our one ventilator has been broken for a year and no one has bothered to fix it despite numerous attempts) and was told that she would have to be transferred to a private hospital. But since her family could not afford a private hospital, we would just have to wait for her to eventually stop breathing on her own, which truly feels inhumane. Her sister laid by her side all day today stroking and caressing her hair, with disbelief and a look of sadness I am trying to erase from my memory.

And to top it all off, Mustafa was gone! Luckily, she had just gone back home to her village but that means it will be nearly impossible to get her the fan I wanted to give her. Seriously, today was not my lucky day.

Hats off to all the interns, residents, doctors, and sisters (aka nurses) that work everyday in these conditions. I admire and respect them tremendously. It is not easy fighting a corrupt system, but they do their absolute best for their patients each and every day. Not only that, with the little money families have, they always seem to give a parting gift (fruit, sweets, clocks) to show their appreciation to the staff. For the poor, the money to buy that gift could be used for a meal so it goes to show how thankful they are.

To say the least, today was a tough day. One of my patients Diksita, was the ray of sunshine in my cloudy sky. She has diabetes type I and we are using SSI to get her a proper regimen. She is keenly aware of all the injustice that goes on around her but looks sweetly into my eyes, squeezes my cheeks, and says "aachi bachi."

The Art of Happiness

HAPPY. I have been saying this word pretty frequently since its the name of the cocker spaniel I am currently living with at my host family's home. He is 14 yrs old and he is deaf and blind, runs into every door and wall, yet still seems to be extremely happy. So it got me thinking, what does it mean to be happy?

When Palak and I were in Istanbul we found that most of the economy was supported by tourism. Every single person had a shop in the city selling jewelry, handbags, lamps, spices, etc. We often wondered if it is a curse to be overly ambitious like many of us are in the states. Everyone seemed like they were making such a good living spending time in their 12x12 sized shops, drinking apple tea all day, and making fun of all the tourists that came by (ofcourse having the Bosphorous Sea and Golden Horn as a backdrop is not too shabby!) We tried to bargain a necklace down from 20 TL to 15 TL and the owner told us, "I don't go hungry, I don't need your money!" So I guess they can sustain a decent living without even giving fellow tourists a good deal!

In India, I find that 70% of the population live in villages and only come into large cities for education or for medical care. When I sit in the autorickshaw staring in to the busy streets every morning, I see herds of people during the day laughing and having chai, children playing with bricks and tires to keep themselves entertained, and women shopping at the local markets picking up fruits and veggies for dinner (65% of local women don't work in India but opt to be homemakers). Its possible to open a shop here and make a decent living selling pretty much anything. For instance, one guy in Bombay makes pan (sweet leaf tobacco) all day and has made a killing selling his delicate delight to the locals. (Apparently he killed his own brother who was competition to him and now lives in a flat worth over 3 crores).

In America, it seems like being driven and having ambition is part of the norm and you are thought of as a pariah if you sit twiddling your thumbs all day staring out into the streets people watching. Do we work ourselves to death because that is what makes us happy? if not, then why do we do it?

For me, the things that make me happy is when I am with close friends or family, I am staring at a beautiful landscape, I have Toffee or Sonu by my side, or when I am productive and feel like I accomplished something worthwhile. If that is my definition it would make happiness a very transient feeling which would then infer that I am unhappy most of the time (which I hope is not the case!).

I have read books about happiness too- one author gave a list of things to do everyday to make you happier (ie. look at a flower, play with a dog, eat a piece of cake, make a to do list and then check boxes off). In the online webster dictionary it says that happiness is: 1. a state of well-being and contentment and joy 2. a pleasurable or satisfying experience. 3. felicity, aptness. Spiritual seekers state happiness can only be found within and is not an external state of being. So can all these forms of happiness truly make us happy?

I guess it's safe to say that in our American society to be happy is to make our parents happy, ourselves happy, and our future family happy. I think we assume that having money is the key to happiness because it can make life a lot easier. For me becoming a physician meant job security, a good salary, a part time job in case I wanted to stay home with the kids, and of course a passion I wanted to fulfill.

It's cliche but I know money doesn't buy happiness. But is it safe to say that life is less stressful not worrying about money all the time? Statistics even show that the number one cause for fights in a relationship is financial troubles. So by deduction--> more money--> less fights--> more peace at home--> more happiness.

I guess what really has to change is our definition of happiness. I often joke with my friends that I should have been a veterinarian or a guide dog trainer because I love animals so much and they make me feel happy. I couldn't be a vet because I am allergic to cats, and I couldn't be a dog trainer because my parents said so; therefore, I settled on the next best thing: working with children who are small, cute, and often need training!

So what is the formula for true happiness? I don't think there is one. Does it matter if your rich or poor? I guess I have to ponder what is the meaning of "rich and poor". I no longer feel it is a monetary definition. I guess in order to be happy you have to be rich in one area of your life. The people of Istanbul are rich in scenic beauty, the people of India rich in religion and friendships, the people of America are rich in productivity....

So in a nutshell, contentment is happiness wherever you are and whoever you are. A famous professor Randy Pausch (read his speech Last Lecture if you get the chance) once said,"You can't change the cards your dealt, just how you play your hand." So all we are in charge of is our attitude, and if we can wake up every day and thank God for the life we are given, and stop cursing Him for the life we wish we had, then that in an essence is true happiness.

No Food for Thy Body.....

Hello again!

So this is day 3 in Nagpur, and I am sick! I was diagnosed with "heat exhaustion" and have had multiple episodes of vomiting and diarrhea for the last 12 hours. Let's just say I have had better days....ha. It is 110 degrees here and unfortunately at the government hospital I am working at there is no AC and the fans stopped working yesterday. So you can only imagine how hot it was for the poor sick children! I have taken the day off and I am here in my AC room, with a huge bathroom, 2 house helpers looking after me, multiple calls from the doctors I am working with, and good ole' Commander (the golden retriever/king of the house). Riti Aunty (my host mom) has been taking such good care of me and I have every type of fruit, food, and medication at my disposal.

After spending the last two days at the hospital, I can't help but feel slightly guilty for getting such great care. Some of the children I have seen have such serious diseases and with limited resources and limited staff, their care is often compromised. I have seen children with neuroblastoma, sickle cell anemia, TB meningitis, malaria, SCID, dilated cardiomyopathy, pericardial effusions, and child abuse to name a few. Their parents are all with them 24 hours sleeping on the floor next to their cot and feeding them the little cafeteria food that is rationed everyday.

The Pediatric Dept at Mayo Hospital or (IGMH) is comprised of ward 7 and 8. There are two residents and 2 interns for each floor and there are 20 beds per ward. There are no private rooms or bathrooms, no mandatory hand washing/mask precautions, and no proper blood pressure cuff. It is almost shocking to see such primitive conditions in medicine at this point in time. The hardest part of my day is that there are so many things I wish I could do for the children, that I just don't have access to. I was told even a basic CBC doesn't always come back correct! All we can do is work together to keep our spirits up and use our clinical diagnostic skills to the best of our ability.

There is one girl Mustafa who just sparkles on the floor. She wears a green, gold, and maroon salwar kameez with her hair pulled back in a tight bread and enjoys watching everything I do. I feel she could be slightly fascinated with my pearl studded stethescope and my inability to get the bp cuff to work after 3 attempts! (She showed me how to use it the third time). I speak to her in my broken hindi and she speaks back to me in her broken english. She was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy last year and has been in and out of the hospital three times for the last three months. After an echo she was found to currently have an EF of 15% and a poor prognosis of just a few weeks to months. Her mother seems to understand the meaning of this and smiles sweetly and answers every question I ask. In the states, we would try to get Mustafa on a transplant list, but that is not even an option to her now. However, instead of hating the ticking clock of her life, her spirit is beautiful and she embraces the time she has left. She has found a way to befriend all the patients on the floor, and giggles at all of us for looking tired and overworked. We lost the prescription pad yesterday only to find the Mustafa was using it as her coloring book. Now every medication that we need from the pharmacy is accompanied by trees, flowers, and birds! She has attacks of cardiac shock and shortness of breath, but always seems to get right better and continue her day like nothing ever happened, she is absolutely incredible.

She has become fascinated with a chinese fan that my friend gave me, We made multiple ones out of paper together and I told her that I would mail her a new one from the states as soon as I get back. It just occurred to me last night, that she might not be there in a month and that I should have just given her the fan right then and there. I can only hope and pray that my mistake does not turn into a life long regret.

Not all hospitals in India are like this one- but wish the government officials would spend a day here to see how a few more rupees could go a long way. I am finally appreciative of the US medical system. Although we need to learn to utilize less resources, having access to them is comforting. We often complain of our Q3 call schedule but the Pediatric interns at Mayo have a Q1 call schedule for one full year. Yup, they have to sleep at the hospital for 365 days and don't get to their family except for a 5 day break in Nov!

On a better note, the interns and residents and attendings are so helpful and fun. Their hard work and dedication to their job is something I wish to emulate. We all joke around and made the medical student go on an ice cream run yesterday. I guess its their way of hazing.....haha. We sit together and share our lives, our food, our passion, our fears. Although it is only day 3 I feel like I have been accepted by this community and I am deeply humbled. I hope that in the next month I can learn how to be a better physician from them. Just like every medical mission I have undertaken I know that in the end: "If you came to cure the sick, you'll be surprised, as the sick will help cure you."

One giant bowl of Istanbul to fill your heart with beauty!

From Arizona I went to Istanbul. I wanted to take a trip just for me. A place that I always wanted to go to but kept putting off hoping that a better time would come. I realized that time is NOW. I have always wanted to go to a city rich in architecture, history, culture, beauty, and ofcourse great cuisine. Turkey seemed like the right spot! One of my best friends from college and I spent a week sight seeing the most historic land marks in history. From Chora Church, Blue Mosque and Hagia Sophia to Pierre Lotte, Dolbabache Palace, and the Grand Bazaar- every place opened my heart to the true beauty of the world. Before I left my friend Manish told me so eloquently, "While experiencing the world, let the world experience you." So that is just what I did.

The beauty of the landscape is indescribable. God's work can truly be treasured in every corner of this big city! The blue sky with nary a cloud in sight, the sound of prayers coming from the nearby mosque, and the smell of spices from the food stalls permeating the air had something for every 5 senses. The Ottoman and Byzantine Empires left their mark by building both churches and mosques thousands of years ago. Every place I would see the same question popped into my head, " What would it be like to have roamed the halls along with the Sultans and Emperors of this time?" The museums housed artifacts from 300 and 400 BC, which really puts into perspective how small we all are compared to the world. Jewels were abundant back then, as we saw at the Topkapi palace. Rubies, diamonds, and pearls housed enough jewelry to take our economy out of debt!

My mind still cannot comprehend the time that has passed between the old world and this new one we have created. It made me think, what are the jewels that we will leave behind for those that will come after us? We might not have any physical gems to bequeath but perhaps knowledge, love, and leaving the world a little bit of a better place should be enough. So my next stop is Nagpur, India where I hope to give back to the world a little of what it has given me.

The Road to Recovery

Often caregivers don't take care of themselves but spend more time taking care of others. When I was at the center for Integrative Medicine in Tucson I realized that taking care of myself should be a priority because it will allow me the capacity to take better care of others. My time in Arizona was an awakening experience. The mentors and teachers I met made me realize I was on the right path. Since starting medical school, I wondered if I was on the right road. It seemed at times that I was hitting more speed bumps, dead ends, and red lights than the rest of my peers. While in Arizona, my heart and mind felt at peace and things finally came together for me. Becoming an Integrative Pediatrician is what I had always been looking for, and all the "do not enter" signs that I had come across for years before, no longer mattered as I finally found my destination. I know I will have to fight the fight to bring Integrative Medicine as a household term, but I am ready to do that. I always thought I was strange for thinking guided imagery, meditation, animal assisted therapy, nutrition, ayurveda, homeopathy, vitamins/supplements should be used as an adjunct treatment in health care. I now know know that there are so many like minded individuals out there! It was like coming home. My road to recovery began here. For all the years of breaking myself down and beating myself up for "not being like everyone else" had finally ended. The first stop on my journey was a trip just for me-Turkey!