HAPPY. I have been saying this word pretty frequently since its the name of the cocker spaniel I am currently living with at my host family's home. He is 14 yrs old and he is deaf and blind, runs into every door and wall, yet still seems to be extremely happy. So it got me thinking, what does it mean to be happy?
When Palak and I were in Istanbul we found that most of the economy was supported by tourism. Every single person had a shop in the city selling jewelry, handbags, lamps, spices, etc. We often wondered if it is a curse to be overly ambitious like many of us are in the states. Everyone seemed like they were making such a good living spending time in their 12x12 sized shops, drinking apple tea all day, and making fun of all the tourists that came by (ofcourse having the Bosphorous Sea and Golden Horn as a backdrop is not too shabby!) We tried to bargain a necklace down from 20 TL to 15 TL and the owner told us, "I don't go hungry, I don't need your money!" So I guess they can sustain a decent living without even giving fellow tourists a good deal!
In India, I find that 70% of the population live in villages and only come into large cities for education or for medical care. When I sit in the autorickshaw staring in to the busy streets every morning, I see herds of people during the day laughing and having chai, children playing with bricks and tires to keep themselves entertained, and women shopping at the local markets picking up fruits and veggies for dinner (65% of local women don't work in India but opt to be homemakers). Its possible to open a shop here and make a decent living selling pretty much anything. For instance, one guy in Bombay makes pan (sweet leaf tobacco) all day and has made a killing selling his delicate delight to the locals. (Apparently he killed his own brother who was competition to him and now lives in a flat worth over 3 crores).
In America, it seems like being driven and having ambition is part of the norm and you are thought of as a pariah if you sit twiddling your thumbs all day staring out into the streets people watching. Do we work ourselves to death because that is what makes us happy? if not, then why do we do it?
For me, the things that make me happy is when I am with close friends or family, I am staring at a beautiful landscape, I have Toffee or Sonu by my side, or when I am productive and feel like I accomplished something worthwhile. If that is my definition it would make happiness a very transient feeling which would then infer that I am unhappy most of the time (which I hope is not the case!).
I have read books about happiness too- one author gave a list of things to do everyday to make you happier (ie. look at a flower, play with a dog, eat a piece of cake, make a to do list and then check boxes off). In the online webster dictionary it says that happiness is: 1. a state of well-being and contentment and joy 2. a pleasurable or satisfying experience. 3. felicity, aptness. Spiritual seekers state happiness can only be found within and is not an external state of being. So can all these forms of happiness truly make us happy?
I guess it's safe to say that in our American society to be happy is to make our parents happy, ourselves happy, and our future family happy. I think we assume that having money is the key to happiness because it can make life a lot easier. For me becoming a physician meant job security, a good salary, a part time job in case I wanted to stay home with the kids, and of course a passion I wanted to fulfill.
It's cliche but I know money doesn't buy happiness. But is it safe to say that life is less stressful not worrying about money all the time? Statistics even show that the number one cause for fights in a relationship is financial troubles. So by deduction--> more money--> less fights--> more peace at home--> more happiness.
I guess what really has to change is our definition of happiness. I often joke with my friends that I should have been a veterinarian or a guide dog trainer because I love animals so much and they make me feel happy. I couldn't be a vet because I am allergic to cats, and I couldn't be a dog trainer because my parents said so; therefore, I settled on the next best thing: working with children who are small, cute, and often need training!
So what is the formula for true happiness? I don't think there is one. Does it matter if your rich or poor? I guess I have to ponder what is the meaning of "rich and poor". I no longer feel it is a monetary definition. I guess in order to be happy you have to be rich in one area of your life. The people of Istanbul are rich in scenic beauty, the people of India rich in religion and friendships, the people of America are rich in productivity....
So in a nutshell, contentment is happiness wherever you are and whoever you are. A famous professor Randy Pausch (read his speech Last Lecture if you get the chance) once said,"You can't change the cards your dealt, just how you play your hand." So all we are in charge of is our attitude, and if we can wake up every day and thank God for the life we are given, and stop cursing Him for the life we wish we had, then that in an essence is true happiness.
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